Your 30s are a time for building a career and/or family. Your brain is finally formed (at age 26) and your focus is on building, building, building your life. Reputation, 401K, your home. But wait, do you remember your real friends when your life gets too busy? Friend decisions during your 30s can have a huge impact on you. Here are the top friend tips for your 30s.
In your 30s your cognitive skills decrease you general knowledge increases as we discuss later in the post. But for now, let these top friend tips inspire you!
Here’s 10 top friend tips for finding lasting relationships in your 30s:
- Location becomes important in your 30s. Your work friends are important. However, you’ll be surprised by how few of these hard-working, drinking and hang out buddies will stay with you when you get a new position. Know the difference between office friends and friends with true shared affinity.
- For many, suddenly your children’s friend’s parents will be your new best friend for car pooling and sharing child minding. Realize that these friends inadvertently have been selected through your child, and aren’t necessarily forever. Even if you love them passionately for taking your kiddlie winks for the night when your babysitter doesn’t turn up. Once your children grow, well…
- Develop your protocol on how to assess those friends who truly support your long-term purpose and the ones who are wonderful and available through your different life transitions.
- Sharing confidences and secrets with those single purpose friends can be dicey and may come back to haunt you. Establish boundaries, and as one of my friend admits, sometimes it takes 2 ½ years to really know someone else. Take the time to get to know that someone else.
- Ditch or downgrade (to coffee once a month) the always-got-an-issue-I-can’t-solve friend. Ask yourself how many weekends are you willing to comfort them? Can’t find love, the job sucks, they’re too fat, thin, under appreciated. They have the right to complain for 6 months (that’s my boundary) for a huge life shift – divorce or major job move. After that, it’s up to them to find resources to help themselves. Be compassionate to others and yourself.
- Friend disputes are an important part of friendship, not the upset part but how you navigate through your mediation process. You don’t know if you have a really valuable friend until you’ve been through this “character building exercise.”
- Stay in regular contact with close friends from your past – regardless if your career’s booming, or if you live out of state, or have children. Skype call – these are your memory keepers and will give you love and distance from your daily life’s annoying hiccups.
- Find ways to have face time with your friends. Meet half way or have mini vacations together. Friend Quality Time. Re-establish that connective tissue that helps real friendships thrive. Often we can tell more what’s up in a friend’s life through their micro expressions and intuition than social media, emails or phone calls.
- Look for friends who love to be active outside their job and family. Book clubs, college classes, motivational workshops, a special interest blog, a community volunteer day, a fun adventure. Spend time improving yourself with your friends.
- You make lots of friends in your 30s which is a terrific way to grow. However, be clear about your values so you take the real keepers into your 40s – 60s.
Friends, Health and the Brain
Many studies have found that the deeper connections you make with friends the more you’re likely to not get sick less frequently and get better faster.
“Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. There’s no doubt, says Dr. Klein, that friends are helping us live longer.” UCLA Study On Friendship Among Women – updated Jan 1 2014
Your Brain at Age 30
And, find out about what happens when your brain ages:
Some aspects of peoples’ cognitive skills – such as the ability to make rapid comparisons, remember unrelated information and detect relationships – peak at about the age of 22, and then begin a slow decline starting around age 27. “This research suggests that some aspects of age-related cognitive decline begin in healthy, educated adults when they are in their 20s and 30s,” said Timothy Salthouse, a University of Virginia professor of psychology and the study’s lead investigator . . . Many of the participants in Salthouse’s study were tested several times during the course of years, allowing researchers to detect subtle declines in cognitive ability.
A notable decline in certain measures of abstract reasoning, brain speed and in puzzle-solving became apparent at 27.
Salthouse found that average memory declines can be detected by about age 37. However, accumulated knowledge skills, such as improvement of vocabulary and general knowledge, actually increase at least until the age of 60.” Annalee Newitz, “Your Brain Starts Deteriorating By Age 27, Say Neuroscientists” io9 (Brains 3/20/09)
Be friend-wise in your 30s and thrive in your 40s plus!
Remember… a great friend starts with you.
© Glenda Shaw_Superfriendgroups.com 2014
Please note: I hide specific and identifiable details in my friend stories as these stories are examples of behavior and not meant to hurt anyone. These stories are based on my opinion and perspective, except when the people written about are in the public domain. Any advice in this blog is from my insights, research and opinion only, and must not be considered as legal or medical advice.