How do you make successful friends? Malik Stalbert is a black belt martial arts professional and trainer as well as an IT expert. Through years of working with his clients on and off the dojo mat, Malik has developed innovative ideas on how to make successful friends. He shares his top 5 Friend Actions with Super Friend Groups.
This week he discusses his first action for successful friends:
Action 1: Clear Purpose & Direction
Look for someone who has a clear purpose and understanding of what they need to do in their own and who have a life plan. You’re talking about inviting them into your life and if they don’t know where they’re going they’ll syphon off your energy.
A friend isn’t around you all the time, so you’ve got to figure out how much energy you want to spend on a friend. Having a direction and plan is one of the first things I look for. A potential friend must be emotionally self-sufficient.
The more they understand where they’re going – the better it will be for you and that’s who you want in your life. They don’t have to be doing their “purpose or plan” but they must have an understanding of what they need to do. Why? Your energy is geared towards your family, so when you get to your friends they’re not supposed to be relying on you.
Your friends must help build you, and you help build them. Think as if you’re building a building together. Move forward.
Sometimes you have friends who do the complete opposite of you; think the complete opposite of you and you’re only friends because you met through someone else. They may be inviting you to this and that but your energies don’t mesh yet you still call them friends. These people syphon too much energy.
Know the difference between finding a true friend and people who like having a group of friends. There’s a group of guys who meet every Thursday, say. They watch the football or basketball game, and they go drinking, and sometimes they may go partying. Then they go home, and get up and go to UPS, you know go to work and that’s it. That’s good for them. They’re not looking for real friends, they’re looking for a social grouping.
When you’re looking for friends you’ve got to find out if they do this social grouping thing and if so, is it just a routine for them. You can see that they have no more purpose to build individual connections outside of that structure. Then, eventually what happens is that Jennifer wants to get a project going, and one of the “grouping” friends says he’ll help you lift some of the stuff.
He says ‘I can help you Wednesday.’ But, he doesn’t show up. You call and go, ‘Hey, Jim why didn’t you show up?’ And he says, ‘Oh, yeah, I completely forgot about it. I can do it next week.’ It’s not that important to him to fulfill his friend commitments.
He’s about the social grouping and not friend building which involves follow-through, commitment and purpose.
Meeting and making successful friends, is about laying a solid foundation for your friend network that helps your life.
For friends who want to develop a backbone not a wishbone!
Remember… successful friends begins here!
Image courtesy: Malik Stalbert & SLIDE IMAGE for post by “Road in Norway-1” by Piotr Malecki – Friend of mine. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.
© Glenda Shaw_Superfriendgroups.com / Gshawmedia 2014
Please note: I hide specific and identifiable details in my friend stories as these stories are examples of behavior and not meant to hurt anyone. These stories are based on my opinion and perspective, except when the people written about are in the public domain. Any advice in this blog is from my insights, research and opinion only, and must not be considered as legal or medical advice.