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Managing an Unreliable Friend
During a Super Friend Group presentation I met Amy, a wonderful young woman, who asked me, how to solve a friend issue:
I have a friend who I met when I was with my ex-husband and she occasionally helps me with my son. But when I try talking to her about emotional issues or intimacies she dismisses me, and won’t listen. Why? If we get on, why won’t she share intimacies?
We deconstructed Amy’s relationship and friend issues:
1) Amy wanted a more intimate relationship with this woman.
2) Amy’s friend was good with her son but very flaky in other areas of their relationship.
3) Amy couldn’t always rely on her friend but she liked her and when her friend did show up – although unreliable – she was good with Amy’s son.
So that was Amy’s problem, flakiness and non-attentiveness, yet she had affinity with this person.
I asked Amy: If you started up a business that your family invested in would you employ this friend?
Amy laughed shook her heard and said “no.” Then, she got it. Why is she inviting a person into her life and trusting intimacies with this friend when she wouldn’t even employ her?
Amy realized that building a network is like building a business. First, Amy must explore where she wants to be in 2-5 years; target those friends in her extended group that support that vision. Then, start building a constructive network that she can trust to be on the board of directors and to support her (life’s) company. Making do with current friends is a lose-lose, and will steal valuable time, effort and money away from your life.
Start today to build your successful friend network!
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DISCLAIMER: I am not a therapist or counselor so all comments are friend suggestions and opinions only. These suggestions and opinions should not be construed as professional therapeutic, counseling or medical advice.