Friend or Friendly – Can you tell the difference?

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Image by VectorOpenStock via Wikimedia Commons

Guest, Angelica Holiday, shares her ideas on Friend or Friendly?

While chatting to Sara (my very young 70 neighbor), I blurted out “friend or friendly.” Sara paused and repeated my statement, “friend or friendly.” Before she could answer the question, I did so for her. “She’s not your friend Sara, she’s taking advantage of you.” I was trying to explain the difference between who is a friend and who is friendly.

Our conversation began when Sara complained that her friend had reneged on a financial promise, leaving her in the lurch. I said “…that’s not a friend,” that was someone trying to be friendly for her own gain.” Sara planned to ask her for half the financial amount she felt this friend owed her. I said don’t let her screw you around, ask for the whole amount.

Sara was born in London and grew up in Israel. Living through the blitz then on a kibbutz, Sara found it difficult to make lasting friendships. Seeking out quick connections and “being friendly,” was more her style. Even as she proceeded into adulthood, she didn’t make deeper connections. Since I’ve known her, those I’ve seen her embrace as if her life depended on it are those who take, take, take from her.

Although the word friend is a noun and the term being friendly is an adjective, they both, in their own way require a lot of thought. It’s not unusual that many refer to someone who they’ve met 5 minutes ago as a friend. “Social media friends are often imaginary.” These connections are all often based on a fleeting yet good feeling.

This behavior is becoming more common for people of every age. Recently, closer to home, I questioned a gal pal, when she used the label, “friend.” Every time she meets someone casually for a short time, she’ll call that person a friend.

After working in Hollywood and Beverly Hills for more than 15 years, I understood the truth about double cheek air kissing and the deluge of back-stabbing that could follow. Air kissing does not a friend or friendship make, I don’t think so.

I found that “doing lunch” and going for drinks were strategic hunting missions, not the basis of trust, which for me is a requirement for a friend. I figured that I would offer a friendly alternative, a walk on the beach. I don’t have to share a meal with a colleague to do my job or plan a business strategy.

The friend or friendly debate is a super way to evaluate one’s self. I’m not without fault yet want to be the best friend I can be. Since I am a super observer, I want to look beyond social protocols of friendliness and become a searcher of my own true friend soul.

Am I a friend or friendly? A friend is a marriage and being friendly is like flirting. I know when I am flirting. I’m a great flirt. I like to bring zing to everybody’s day.

On the other hand, when I marry I want to bring compassion, trust and longevity into this connection. I am looking for a future husband who will be my best friend.

Hopefully the way to connect on a deeper level will enrich and inspire my friend experiences, and that’s what I wanted to share with Sara.


Angelica Holiday

Angelica Holiday: A veteran of talent agenting and managing in reality TV. She then built a bridge to the digital age when her TV died 15 years ago. She believes the future of branding is now. Her areas of professional interest include the digital Everest of advertising, marketing, PR, traditional media, radio and branding. On the horizon, branding a band and learning more about online gaming.

Image courtesy: Champagne glasses image by VectorOpenStock (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons; and Angelica Holiday.

If you liked this post check out “How to Make New Friends” and “How Listening Empowers Your Network – QUIZ” and we’d love to hear your feedback.

© Glenda / GshawMedia 2014

Please note: I hide specific and identifiable details in my friend stories as these stories are examples of behavior and not meant to hurt anyone. These stories are based on my opinion and perspective, except when the people written about are in the public domain. Any advice in this blog is from my insights, research and opinion only, and must not be considered as legal or medical advice.