Category Archives: Friends Confidential

Why is friend rejection painful?


Image by CelinaTH via Wikimedia Commons

I have a terrific, lovely friend, Gabby. She’s curious, wholesome, generous, loving. And, she had a really, really bizarre and funky relationship with a business gal pal. This gal pal was often mean to Gabby. To Gabby it felt like friend rejection, she was never good enough, this gal pal put her down, tells her what to do or not to do, then ignores her, ugh.

Now, I’m not your usual friend. I shoot from the hip with compassion – kind of like Judge Judy at a meditation retreat – when my friends have personal or professional issues. I don’t candy coat the issue. I’m not sentimental (although I sometimes go awwww at cat videos). I give measured, and thoughtful (my words) responses (my husband thinks I should’ve been a lawyer) to my friends. Bottom line, I love solving real friend problems, issues, puzzles, and know that this kind of friend rejection sucks.

However, Gabby’s particular friend issue was baffling to me. I was left scratching my head… until yesterday.

Fear of Being Excluded by Friends


Image by Borya via Wikimedia Commons

Do you get hurt being excluded by friends?… your brain’s dorsal anterior cingulate cortex thinks so, equating exclusion with bullying!

Being excluded by friends sucks – from a party, event, conversation, and it’s so much easier now to discover just how excluded you’ve been because of our addiction to social media. You see your friend’s Post with happy party-goers – We’re all having so much fun (and you weren’t there) – haha.

A Friend Confession

Many, many years ago I excluded a friend from a party. To this day I’m not sure why – maybe we were in a snit or something. But what I do remember is her face – shock, awkwardness then shame – when she found out. It just so happened that another party-goer came up while I was talking to my friend and thanked me profusely for such a lovely time. I went bright red with embarrassment and my friend looked shocked and upset – although she

Holiday blues – fear of being alone


Image by Iwona Erskine-Kellie, Wikipedia Commons

Fear of being alone during the holidays can be daunting. While teaching a Monday night writing class for Create Now at Camp David Gonzales, a county-run juvenile probation school and rehabilitation facility, I was told that many of the youth get upset and agitated during the holiday season. Bombarded by images of happy families, with the cornucopia of gifts resting at the base of a huge colorful tree in a snuggly living room… wasn’t part of their lives.

Some youth felt lucky, if a family member showed up for a holiday visit. But for many, their families were no-shows with excuses ranging from no transportation, too busy, no babysitter for the other children, we have to visit grandpa and can’t do both trips. So, no family member available to hug you during these holidays.

George Clooney and Friends: Who’s got your back?

George Clooney_By Efloch (Own work)_Super Friend Groups

George Clooney_By Efloch (Own work)_Super Friend Groups

In this month’s Esquire (November 11, 2013), Tom Junod writes a revealing profile of mega celebrity, George Clooney. A significant point woven through the paragraphs is who tells a mega star the truth about their actions? George Clooney and friends. Who helps celebrities grow – regardless of your fame and fortune – rather than being their “yes” people? In entertainment, being a yes person is often a condition of employment.

Think about it, who has your back? Have you surrounded yourself with yes people or real friends who help you through life with solid advice?

George confesses that his dad delivers solid, shoot-from-the-hip advice. However, in a revealing paragraph about Russell Crowe the reader is left scratching their head wondering who

Friend Secrets: Where’s the Truth?


Image courtesy – Carine06 from UK (Official secrets) via Wikimedia Commons

Do you have a friend who shares your private information too freely? When you ask them why, they shrug it off – what’s the big deal? Private vs. Public Information… do you make it clear what information is private, or rely on your friend’s judgment? What are friend secrets, really?

Many years ago when I was chatting to a new friend on our second getting-to-know-you hike, she proceeded to reveal an intimacy about a mutual friend. I quickly changed the subject as I presumed if our mutual friend wanted me to know this private information she would have told me herself. Red flag. I’m waving a red flag now. If someone confides personal secrets about another friend too quickly, guard your own.

What are friend secrets?

“Secrecy… is the practice of hiding information from certain individuals or groups, perhaps while sharing it with other individuals. That which is kept hidden is known as the secret. Secrecy is often controversial, depending on the content of the secret, the group or people keeping the secret, and the motivation for secrecy.” – Wikipedia

SECRET 1: Temporarily Confidential. You don’t want your close friend to know you’re pregnant until the end of your 3rd month; or, you may not confide in your work buddy/boss about negotiating for a new job. These are temporary secrets. Postponing information may be more about not wanting to jinx the outcome rather than withholding information.

SECRET 2: Difficult Decision. Your husband’s friend flirted with you when he was drunk then apologized saying it’d never happen again. What would you do?