When I was a teenager a friend in our Saturday night group confessed a secret, she had a brain tumor. Shocked and upset we all rallied around and supported her. She was going in for an operation, which always seemed to get postponed. Through all of this, she remained hopeful yet somber. The brain tumor was a lie that lead to many other friend lies that lasted months. No tumor no operation no recovery.
Before we knew the truth, we hugged and loved her until she finally did leave for her “big operation.” After a week or so she returned, no shaved head, no scar, and she looked healthy and almost perky. How did the operation go? We all asked, suspiciously. Fine, a success. She kept up this farce for a while until
Many years ago when I was a teenager, a friend left me and another friend to fend off a group of guys looking for trouble. She got away and instead of acting on the danger she left us in, she went home and went to bed. When I asked her what she’d planned on doing, she said, “Oh, if I hadn’t of heard from you the next day, I would’ve done something.” Gee, thanks… so much for a supportive friend. Luckily, we got away unharmed.
During my discussion with Malik on his five action points, it didn’t surprise me when he said choose friends who have a sense of fight. Even though he’s a martial arts instructor, he’s not talking about physical fights. This week Malik Stalbert shares his Action 2. (Check out Action 1 at the end of the post).
Malik’s Action 2
You have to be able to show some sense of fight. Not physical fight. If you surround yourself with people
A few months back, I set up a call with an old friend who I hadn’t spoken to in a while. After she asked her three perfunctory questions – health, husband, work, the rest of the conversation was her own stream of consciousness that lasted an hour. Nothing urgent, or out of the ordinary, just family, and stuff. All good and all about her. Is she a self-obsessed friend?
Does she have poor listening skills? Could be. Or, a low emotional IQ – EQ? Possibly.
Reasons for a self-obsessed friend can range from narcissistic tendencies to loneliness. Time to find out
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While having a negative friend may be hard to deal with, science shows that they can’t help it! We’re all hard-wired to react to negative information more strongly than positive information for survival.
Studies show that people find it more distressing to lose $1,000 than feel elated and rewarded by winning $1,000. See “Conservation of Resources Theory: Losses are More Powerful than Gains,” by Marc Farinelli, Politics of the Mind (December 30, 2012).
- Here’s an example. Just say you’re a monkey in a forest and have a solid source pantry – a banana tree. One morning your banana tree has been chopped down and all the bananas are gone. Oh no, you’ve lost all your resources and your stress levels skyrocket. You have to scramble to survive and find another tree. Your brain puts you on high alert.
- However, this time your banana tree is a cornucopia so you decide to head further in to the forest. You spot another banana tree and jump up and down with joy. It’s a reward, and our brain loves a reward. But those bananas are a bonus tree and your survival doesn’t depend on them. You won the forest lottery, and enjoy its bounty.
Who do you invite to support your business or career project? Business friends are powerful allies, choose wisely and don’t confuse their value with one size fits all friends. I’ve confused their contribution in my friend network but quickly learned about a business friend who was just that, a solid business friend.
Attracting people who provide you with the power to launch your project, business, internships or mentorship is a great friend endeavor. If you want solid information and no one in your current friend group has that information reach out and create a specialty friend group. I call these folk power players. They may not be in your life for the long haul, but they can sure have a long-term impact.
Years ago, I was wondering why my colleague would only talk business – was he a friend or not? Often
How do you make successful friends? Malik Stalbert is a black belt martial arts professional and trainer as well as an IT expert. Through years of working with his clients on and off the dojo mat, Malik has developed innovative ideas on how to make successful friends. He shares his top 5 Friend Actions with Super Friend Groups.
This week he discusses his first action for successful friends:
Action 1: Clear Purpose & Direction
Look for someone who has a clear purpose and understanding of what they need to do in their own and who have a life plan. You’re talking about inviting them into your life and if they don’t know where they’re going they’ll syphon off your energy.
A friend isn’t around you all the time, so you’ve got to figure out how much energy you want to spend on a friend. Having a direction and plan is one of the first things I look for. A potential friend must be emotionally